


If and When

by roguefaerie



Series: The Adventures of Nonbinary Sam Winchester and Their Angel Gabriel [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Gabriel - Freeform, Background Gabriel/Sam, Boundaries, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Librarian Sam Winchester, Librarians, Libraries, Nerdiness, Non-Binary Sam Winchester, Nonbinary Character, Other, Sam Winchester Has Powers, Telepathy, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23050813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguefaerie/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Dean finally comes to see Sam.5/5, series complete.
Series: The Adventures of Nonbinary Sam Winchester and Their Angel Gabriel [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644766
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	If and When

If Dean came blundering in, all gunpowder and corpse smoke, Sam knew they were born ready to see him. It was already the second year of library school, but one thing hadn’t happened yet. They were waiting, with something like a countdown going in the back of their head. They were waiting for their brother. Whatever would come of it when they saw him.

It had to be by now that Dean knew there was a library in the woods. Sam’s phone had not rung--not rung--not rung-- until

The day it did.

Sam’s phone rang, and they had to clear their throat, their voice heavy from disuse in the quiet of their home.

They knew only one person would call, and they could hear that it was Dean through the crackle on the other side of the line.

“Dean?”

“Sammy.”

Sam sighed as an outward acknowledgement of the name Dean would never let go, but inwardly their heart was opening up like it did when something suddenly brought them peace.

“Yes.”

“I know you’ve got Pastor Jim’s--uh--final uh--Sam, I might need some help.”

_You could have come sooner._

If Dean was asking now, it was serious, it was something that he might not want to handle on his own.

“I…”

_I missed your voice._

“How you been keepin’, Sam?” Dean asked, still awkward on the line.

“I’m good, Dean. Come on. Are you good to drive? I’ve got room.”

 _Come as soon as you can._ The thought just pinged around in their skull, but they knew Gabriel would hear it, and that was something.

Oh, God, it was Dean.

And…

“Yeah, Sam. Yeah, I am. Hey. Thanks.”

“Welcome.”

The call disconnected and Sam had to decide what to do with their feelings, what feelings they should even have. The answer to that question felt like _every single one_

Sam's stomach kept flipping the whole time they waited and they felt the presence of their angel sending calming energy with every thought but they couldn't sleep, they didn't really want to eat anything either.

Dean was coming. And there was warning 

Warning.

Sam tried not to think too hard about what that might mean. 

It had to be good.

Or maybe just…. not bad. They would settle for a not bad encounter with Dean. They tried not to analyze it too much.

And then, when the Impala pulled up, Sam could hear it from a mile away. They were a mile away, too, floating on nerves.

They weren’t sure if they would be better or worse if Gabriel was actually present in the flesh, which had happened when it needed to over the time Sam was spending in library school. Sam was so busy, it was flying by and sometimes it was enough, or the apartment was, and certainly Gabriel was. But now...this.

Now Dean.

Sam was ready. As ready as they would ever be.

This was about to really happen.

And then Dean walked in.

His leather jacket did smell of fire. And for a second Sam’s stomach dropped. Until they saw that Dean was just as nervous as they were. It was all over his face, in his gait, in the way they had learned to read him.

Shit.

“Dean.”

“Sammy. Hey. There was a….” Dean shrugged, still looking a bit hapless and unsure.

Sam would have to carry the conversation, they were pretty sure.

“Hey, you made it, and as long as you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, Sam. Meanwhile...look at this!”

“Yeah, uh. And it’s mine.”

“Because of Pastor Jim?”

“Kind of, Dean.”

“Did you use the whammy on this?”

“Not exactly.”

Dean smiled. “I get it. I know you. Full of secrets.”

Sam smiled weakly back at him. “Uh, yeah.”

“Whatever it is, Sam, it’s okay.”

“Dean…”

“It’s okay, Sam.”

“Do you… actually want to know? I mean, anything?”

“Of course. Anything.”

“Do you… want a burger first?”

“You have things to tell me, don’t you, Sam. About this place. About...you know, you, your life. Anything.”

“Yeah, Dean. I...could. If you really wanted to know them.”

“I always want to know you, Sammy. You’re my…”

“I’m transgender,” Sam said in a rush, before the wrong identifier could come out of Dean’s mouth.

“...sister?”

“No. Not exactly. Dean, look, I know you’d think of him as a monster but I met my… uh, spirit guide, I guess, I don’t know, I mean I do, but…”

“Okay, Sam.”

“He’s been making sure everything just…flows. And library school is amazing and…”

“But you were saying something else.”

“Well, yeah…. I’m nonbinary. That’s...what I was saying. I’m...a little bit gender fluid. It changes up. A little. Not so much I change my pronoun. I never knew how to tell you this, but it’s, I don’t feel like a he.”

“That’s fine. A little or a lot. It’s okay. You’re Sam. If you want to be. Are you going by Sam now?”

“Yeah.” Sam smiled. “Still Sam.”

“Got it. And Sammy…?”

“You can call me Sammy, Dean. It’s what you do.”

Dean grinned. “Hey. Then we’re good. We’d be good whatever you needed me to call you, you know. If you need… You said you don’t feel like a he. Or a she?”

“Yeah. I. I’m going by they. Because I don’t fit the gender binary. But. How are you so calm about this, Dean? Did someone… Have you…”

Sam was suddenly willing themself not to sweat, more nervous than Dean had seemed on the way in here. Or maybe just in a different way. A lot was on the line for them.

“No one had to tell me anything, Sam. I just… I know you. This isn’t so far outside… normal Sam.”

“It’s not?”

“Hell no!”

“Are you saying that I had...tells or something? What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’re Sasquatch. You know that’s a cryptid, right?”

“Dean, that’s pretty nerdy.”

“We’re both nerdy. You think I gave you that nickname for no reason?”

“So you...knew this? How could you know?”

“I didn’t know this, exactly. It was your business to tell me or not. I knew whatever was going on, you’d let me know eventually, so I’ve been ready for whenever that would be. Whatever it would have been...you’re my…”

“Sibling.”

“Right. Got it.”

“So that’s it?”

“Hey. Sam, I’m happy you’re happy.”

“Dean…”

“Your eyes are shining.”

Sam smiled. “So you’re not freaked out?”

“All I ever wanted was to make sure you got what you needed and were happy, Sam.”

“So...uh. Thank you,” Sam said, still haltingly, still honestly flabbergasted. “Okay. So is there a...a hunt? Right now?”

“Sure. There’s always a hunt.”

“But a complicated one?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah. But. I don’t suppose you want to come with me. You’re...”

Gabriel’s voice filled its usual space inside Sam’s head. _Remember who you are, Sam._

Sam took a deep breath and let it go.

“I’m… really happy here, Dean.”

“I can see that, Sam.”

Sam blinked. They genuinely weren’t expecting to hear--well--any of this. “Wow.”

“We’ve...we’ve been apart long enough, I guess I got some…”

“Some space?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. It’s nice. And you know, you never wanted to hunt anyway.”

“Not even once,” Sam said, grinning back.

“Not even once. So hey. Just show me around this place. This is big enough… Hunters could come here all the time.”

“Dean. You haven’t even seen half of it. Check this out.”

The look on Dean’s face when the bookshelf spun and revealed an entire secret room was absolutely priceless.

“The really heavy stuff is in the back, over here,” Sam said. “I keep collecting it, which is kind of easier than I expected but then I guess that was the whole point of library school. Of course, I’m working too many jobs, maintaining _other_ people’s libraries, but it is making it easier to find uh...our kind of thing.”

Dean just kept grinning and grinning. “I could send so many people here. But I won’t. You know. It’s yours. Not theirs. Winchester family secret?”

“What’s one more?” Sam said, and their cheeks were hurting but they wouldn’t have wanted this to go any other way.

“So can I… Can I come back?”

“Sure. Dean. Are you leaving? Already?”

“I meant in general, Sammy. I mean, is this… okay for you?”

“Yes, Dean. It’s...it’s good to see you. It’s so good to see you. Hey.”

And then Sam was moving back toward the door, to Dean, and wrapping him in a hug. _I know you hate stuff like this_ , they thought, _but please, just please_.

“Hey. Hey, hey. Nobody’s about to die.”

“It’s just… you’re my brother,” Sam said.

 _Breathe, Sam_ , Gabriel’s voice floated through Sam’s head again.

Sam didn’t want to let go, but they did relax their grip somewhat.  
“Yep. The only one. Thanks for relaxing the death grip, there. Sammy, I’ll be back. Whenever you want. Or don’t want. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I just was checking. We’ve been apart for a long time. This is your space.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah. It is.”

“It’s yours. Pastor Jim gave it to you, all this, and I respect that. Anything else. Your business.”

This was so not the way they expected this conversation to go.

“Dean. Hey. Thanks. It’s just.”

“Yeah?”

“Let me feed you, at least.”

“Hey, if you know where I can get that burger. In the woods.” Dean played up his skeptical look.

Sam grinned and felt their whole body relax as both of them slipped into familiar roles that had somehow left them room to grow. “Yeah. I know where the closest place is. Wanna go for a drive?”

**Author's Note:**

> The end. :D


End file.
